A 2017 American Psychological Association 'Psychological Bulletin' entitled, "Perfectionism Is Increasing Over Time: A Meta-Analysis of Birth Cohort Differences From 1989 to 2016," showed perfectionism among college students in the US, Canada and the UK has increased in three ways during the last three decades: 

• Socially prescribed perfectionism ("Individuals believe their social context is excessively demanding, that others judge them harshly, and that they must display perfection to secure approval.") 
• Other-oriented perfectionism ("Individuals impose unrealistic standards on those around them and evaluate others critically.") 
• Self-oriented perfectionism ("Individuals attach irrational importance to being perfect, hold unrealistic expectations of themselves, and are punitive in their self-evaluations.)

The Bulletin goes on to show how this increase has taken a parallel toll on young people’s sense of worthiness. As a mother of two college-aged women, this is alarming for three critical reasons:

1. It means it is getting more difficult for young people to see themselves as worthy of their goals and aspirations, let alone the love and respect of their fellow human beings, just by being who they are. 
2. It means that if this toll is being taken at such a young age then this will impact society for the future as these young people become parents of the next generation, as well as leaders of teams, communities and organizations. Because, if you don't have a foundation of self-worth as a young adult, it is only more difficult to develop as you enter full adulthood and take on increased responsibility.
3. And in a world that seems to be falling down around us in real-time, the added pressure of societal constraints that have caused this increase in perfectionism will only serve to further destruct. What is needed to lift us out of this state of chaos is more love, respect and support of our fellow human beings. 

So, what can we do about this?  

As the parents and leaders of today, I believe it is incumbent upon us to examine what led to this increase in perfectionism, what this will mean for the future of society, and then do everything we can to effect change. Because these increases are playing out in such physically and emotionally destructive ways. Let's examine the impact of each form of perfectionism individually: 

Self-oriented Perfectionism: According to the Bulletin, ‘self-oriented perfectionism’ “shows up” as tying one’s sense of worthiness, “to achievement, and being unable to derive a lasting sense of satisfaction from one’s accomplishment.” So, on a day of great accomplishment the individual feels worthy of their success, but as time goes on those feelings lessen if there are no new achievements.  
 
Who can keep up such a pace? Unless the bar for 'achievement' is set very low by the individual, only mythical figures and fictional superheroes. This means, for those with this type of perfectionism, most of their time is spent feeling unworthy, even if they appear to family, friends, colleagues and the outside world to be highly accomplished and successful and to have every reason for happiness.  

Sadly, the Bulletin goes on to say that self-oriented perfectionism is associated with clinical depression, anorexia nervosa, elevated blood pressure and 'illbeing in response to life stress and failure.' It is also positively correlated with suicide ideation and early death. 

Socially Prescribed Perfectionism: In the case of ‘socially prescribed perfectionism,’ “Perceived expectations of others are experienced as excessive, uncontrollable, and unfair, making failure experiences and negative emotional states common.” As a result of these common feelings of failure, “This dimension of perfectionism to be positively associated with major psychopathology, e.g., anxiety, depressive symptoms, and suicide ideation." 

Not surprisingly, the study shows that social media has everything to do with this: “Studies indicate that exposure to others’ perfect self-representations within social media can intensify one’s own body image concerns and sense of social alienation. Other data suggests that young people are struggling to cope with a visual culture which emphases unrealistic body ideals. The most recent cohort data from the United States and the United Kingdom show that incidence of body dysmorphia and eating disorders has risen by approximately 30% among late adolescent girls since the advent of social media. In the same countries, increasing numbers of young people are turning to plastic surgery and its promise of bodily perfection.” 
 
If young people feel socially alienated and are increasingly unable to love their divinely-given body, it is easy to extrapolate what this may mean for their ability to love others and to have healthy relationships in their future. We all know that loving ourselves unconditionally is the foundation for loving others in the same way. If perfectionism is preventing young people from establishing a healthy sense of self-worth, then it will be very difficult to nurture strong relationships in the future based on unconditionally love, respect and acceptance. The impact of this on society at large could be dramatic. 

Other-oriented Perfectionism: In this form, others “Fall short of the perfectionist’s expectations. They are blamed and criticized and otherwise treated with hostility and disdain.” So, let's play this out. A college student is exceptionally hard on themselves to begin with and then sees images on social media and throughout society that further encourage feelings of unworthiness. It's not a stretch to imagine how this leads to the third form of perfectionism, where this individual now begins to judge others as harshly as they judge themselves. This is critically important. Imagine a world where young people are developing a keen habit of judging others before they are even out in the world as independent adults. 
 
Sadly, what we have just played out is what studies bear out: "Early studies among college students linked other-oriented perfectionism with socially antagonistic characteristics such as higher vindictiveness, hostility, and the tendency to blame others, in addition to lower altruism, compliance, and trust." What this says to me is, immersed in the process of judging themselves unworthy of all their heart desires, young people will react by judging others unworthy as well, and will take their frustrations out in ways that are unhealthy to the individual and to society. Just imagine a business world where future generations come in with vindictiveness, hostility, disdain and a low level of trust for their colleagues, and where they are less altruistic in the way they live their lives. We can imagine what will this mean for the organizations they build.
 
The impact of perfectionism is heartbreaking. As a mom and speaker whose passion is helping young people succeed, I want to help change this trajectory. To do so, it is necessary to understand the genesis, the root of perfectionism that enables it to take hold. 

The genesis: 
According to the Bulletin, researchers "View the development of perfectionism to be underpinned by asynchrony, or mismatch, between attachment needs of belonging and self-esteem and responses to those needs.” Essentially, what the studies show is a recognition of what we all learn from ‘Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs,’ that the need for belonging is essential in our closest relationships and immediate community, as is a sense of self-esteem, the underpinning of which is worthiness. If what we need from others as we develop from infants to children to adolescents to adults is not what we receive, then we create a coping mechanism. Per the Bulletin, “The need to be perfect, or appear perfect, is a strategy that is adopted to compensate for, repair and protect a damaged sense of self-worth through obtaining the approval of others." 
​
So, is there a correlation between perfectionism and unworthiness? Yes, starkly so. Changing this will require us as parents, siblings, peers, romantic partners and leaders within society to recognize and respond to the need for belonging and self-esteem in the young people of the world. It's not difficult, it just takes basic human responses of respect, listening to understand, letting others know that they are seen and wanted in our social groups and organizations, and love. It will take all of us to love more. 
 
This is not difficult. Respect, listening, acknowledgment, acceptance and love are all part of what makes us authentically human. And the beautiful added benefit is that in fulfilling the real needs of others, we can bring love and joy more deeply into our own lives.  Let's be the example for future generations. 
​
Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2019). Perfectionism is increasing over time: A meta-analysis of birth cohort differences from 1989 to 2016. Psychological Bulletin, 145(4), 410–429. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000138.
Photo by Elijah O'Donnell on Unsplash

The source of all your power is within you; it always has been and always will be. It doesn't come from someone else, from the company you work for or the environment you live in or from the world around you. It comes from your connection to yourself, your True Self. For some, this is stating the obvious. For most of us, we have lived our lives not even knowing it was possible to be disconnected from our True Selves. And yet it is…all the layers of fear, doubt, insecurity and unworthiness build up over time and come between the person we are living as and the person we are at the core of our being.

When you peel away these unwanted layers to unearth your soul, you find the purest energy: love. Love is the most powerful and beautiful energy we can unleash – upon others and upon ourselves. And yet, so often in business I hear leaders today say they do not want to use the word, “love.” Do you want to know why? It’s because they are afraid to look weak.

How ironic, when love is the greatest power of all.

True love for this country and the freedoms it stands for was the wellspring that our Founding Fathers used to ignite a revolution. Joan d’Arc's love for and faith in God was the beacon that drove her to save France. Overflowing love for the sick and impoverished led Saint Teresa of Calcutta to care for and heal so many of the poor. And deep love for humanity in all its colors is being unleashed around the world today as the people of this planet stand up for justice. 

The planet is going through a transformation right now.
We all know this; we all feel the winds of change.  There is one thing each of us can do as leaders to affect this change: unleash love. Stop suppressing love and putting walls around it out of fear that you’ll look weak or it won’t be reciprocated. You are a leader. The world is looking to you to lead.

Start by loving yourself unconditionally. Unearth your True Self and share You with the world. Watch how it transforms your ability to lead others – the shift is bound to be noticeable if you’ve been holding back.
​
Choose to raise the vibration of love in your life. It’s as simple as making the choice. If you think this sounds ridiculous, ask yourself what you’re really afraid of.

At this point in the history of the world, I don’t think we have anything to lose by unleashing love. Do you? Now is our time to “rediscover fire;” to use it to build a better world; to 'set the world on fire' with light and love. It will take all of us to lead the way.

Photo by Michael Fenton on Unsplash

There is no escaping the fact that when we show up for work and for our leadership roles, we bring the entirety of ourselves to the table. We bring our convictions, our strengths, our fears and our weaknesses, along with our insecurities, knowledge of our past failures, our pride in past accomplishments and our desire to lead our teams successfully.
​
I believe that to be a leader of true character requires a connection with, and acceptance of, our whole selves. I also believe it requires not only a vision of where you are taking the organization you are leading, but a clear personal vision that clarifies why you’re working with, and leading, that organization in the first place.

It involves understanding who you are, within yourself, at your most personal and deepest level.

For only by being truly connected with ourselves at every level, by facing this truth, and by having a personal vision can we come into our roles as leaders and say to our followers (in essence), “This is who I am, this is what I believe, this is where I am heading, and this is why I am heading in that direction.  Please follow me.”

By sharing this with our followers and letting our leadership flow from within, our followers can:
1. Hold us accountable and expect actions to match our words
2. Understand our character, from which we will lead

Glen Senk, former CEO of Urban Outfitters
One CEO I admire profusely for being so connected to, and honest about, his vision, values and personal character is Glen Senk, former CEO of Urban Outfitters. In an interview with Glen that was published in Knowledge@Wharton, Glen was quoted as saying (after a reference to him successfully battling cancer in 1989), “You realize you have to take responsibility for doing what is right for you,” Senk noted. “You have to live a life you want to lead.”
​
Senk added that focusing on living what he called an “authentic” life has paid huge dividends. “A lot of my friends who went on to be very successful in investment banking or law or consulting … are not as happy as I am. There is not a day that I don’t wake up bounding out of bed and can’t wait to get to work.”

The words, “You have to live a life you want to lead” are some of the most powerful words one can express, believe in and commit themself to as a leader.  Glen knew relatively early on that his vision meant following his love of retail, of which he said, "I love the theater of retail. I love that I can control every part of the experience — the product itself, the pricing, the way the product is sold, the way we communicate and so on."

The fact that he was so committed to this vision that he applied for a job at Bloomingdale’s 46 times before landing a job with them speaks volumes about the power, and compelling nature, of his personal vision.

And vision played a role later in his career when he took a risk and left Williams-Sonoma to work for Richard Hyne at Urban: “I went from supervising 200 people, having two assistants and flying on the Concorde [at Williams-Sonoma] to running one store that did less than $1 million,” Senk said. “I had a vision for myself and what it could be. And I believed so strongly in the culture [Hayne] had created at Urban.”

Senk described that culture as one where creative, collaborative and curious people are given the freedom to operate almost like entrepreneurs. Diversity — including diversity of race, religion and political views — is also central to that vision. “Dick Hayne is a Republican,” Senk noted. “I’m the first openly gay CEO of a Fortune 1,000 company.” … “We believe as a company in hiring diversity, not because it is politically correct, but because diversity makes us stronger. I look for people who complement me, not [people] who look at the world the same way that I do.”

I believe that an understanding of, and commitment to, a culture that demonstrates the values you profess, is a critical result of character-based leadership. You may not agree with a leader’s values, but a leader demonstrates their true character by being the foremost steward of company values, and by imbuing those values in the corporate culture.

One should give honest consideration to whether it makes sense to work at a company where your values do not match the leader’s. As Glen points out with poignant truth: "If it is not a culture fit, you probably will not do well. Spend time in the lunch room, spend time with the receptionist — spend time with the real people in the organization if you want to know what the culture is really like."

Glen is a brilliant example of a leader who is genuinely connected to his inner self, to his personal vision, purpose and values, and to living it all through his leadership. As we aspire to be leaders of true character, especially in this new world that is literally rising from the ashes, we can look to him and the path he has blazed for inspiration.

​Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

​You may call me an optimist, but when I give serious thought to what leadership will look like in the future I see a world full of people leading from within, for the higher good of themselves, each other, and the world at large.I say this having just participated in an hours-long interview with an international news station where we discussed and envisioned countries in the future being led by trust, honor and respect. But the trust, honor and respect we talked of referred to essences within each citizen rather than solely representing the leadership principles of official leaders.

The Power of Higher Consciousness
We talked of a world where people empower themselves to be more of who they are meant to be and less of who they are not. A world where each individual takes personal responsibility for their own empowerment and prosperity, and where prosperity is encouraged for all and never begrudged when obtained with values, ethics and  higher ideals. Because after all, prosperity is a state of thriving and abundance that allows each of us to truly be all that we were born to be.
But most importantly we talked about a world where people trust, honor and respect each other and expect this of each other.  Where formal leaders demonstrate trust, honor and respect in every decision they make, and where every citizen returns trust, honor and respect to their community because these principles represent the truth within each person. You simply cannot commit a crime or corruptly harm your fellow man if you honor and respect yourself profoundly…

All of this represents a state of higher consciousness for the planet.
To get to this place requires each individual to lead from the good within them and to be aware of the abundant good in the world. It requires each individual to search their own soul and let go of the fear and “lack” that may have settled comfortably within them. And it requires the recognition that when a higher consciousness is sought, there can truly be enough prosperity and success and abundance on the planet for every man, woman and child.
And yes, this vision requires love.
​
So call me an optimist or even a fool, but this is the world I am working toward as a leader. What does leadership of the future look like to you?

​Photo by Bekir Dönmez on Unsplash

If you’re like me, you light up when you discover TRUE leadership in the world: leaders whose vision invokes a higher purpose and who have a passion for their work that is pure and infectious. St. Joan of Arc is a perfect example of an indomitable spirit on fire with purpose, as are Martin Luther King, Jr. and Gandhi. And then there’s Malala Yousafzai, whose personal mission and orated letter to the abducted Chibok schoolgirls represent some of the most inspirational courage I’ve ever witnessed.
 
What each of these leaders has in common is deep-seated self-empowerment.

The simple truth about empowerment is you cannot be truly empowered without a strong foundation of self-empowerment. While there are a plethora of empowerment programs in the world today, many of which are aimed at women, the vast majority of these programs serve to give people something outside of themselves: access to economic resources, training, skill-building, a broader network, mentors, sponsors, and even inspiration. But these critical resources are ineffective without a foundation of worthiness, value, and an intrinsic belief in oneself.
 
Because, you can give someone limitless resources, but they will have no effect if the person stands in their own way due to fear, lack, self-doubt, unsupportive thoughts and beliefs, or underlying feelings of unworthiness.
 
The truest empowerment comes from within.
 
During the last few years my “volunteer life” focus has moved to helping leaders and entrepreneurs awaken their inner empowerment and let go of everything they have (unwittingly) allowed to get in their way. What I didn’t realize early on is just how pervasive it is for humans to stand in our own way. Even a simple principle such as focusing on what you DO want – instead of what you DON’T want - has a profound impact in your success. Yet, how often do we say, “What I don’t want is…” What happens when we do this? We get more and more of what we don’t want. Because all our brain can see is our focus on that which we don’t want…it cannot discern our preference to not have it; it just focuses on it.

This is huge.

So, to be a leader that truly lights the world on fire, whether in your family, company, community, or the world at large, it all starts by looking deep within yourself for the source of your purest personal power, and then removing the blocks that have built up over time. Think of it like this: the way we dig deep within the earth to find the most valuable diamond, and then remove everything around it to access its beauty.

That diamond deep within us? Self-empowerment that gets its source from self-awareness and love; it all starts here.

Photo by JewelersTouch.com